TOP 150+ BEST FUNNY GREEK JOKES COLLECTION

Find The Best Funny Greek Jokes If Your Answers Is Yes. Here Is A Big List Of Funny Greek Jokes Collection For This Week.

  • How many Greeks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Olive them.

  • A Greek was trying to figure out how long a day was.

But after 24 hours he called it a day.

  • My friend said I mock Greek names.

That’s preposterousalopalous.

  • My poor knowledge of Greek mythology…

…has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

  • New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

“Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:”

If they say “How much are the mangoes?” You say “$5 a kilo”

If they ask if they’re ripe, you say “Some are, some aren’t”

If they say they don’t want to buy, you shrug and say “If you don’t, someone else will.”

After many attempts using hand gestures, he is satisfied that Con gets it, so he leaves Con alone to see how he goes on his first day.

The first customer comes in and asks how much the mangoes are?

He says “Five-a dolla per-a kilo”

The guys asks if they are ripe, he says “Summa dey are, Summa dey aren’t.”

He says maybe next time, so Con shrugs and tells him, as instructed, “If you-a don’t, summabody else will.”

The guy shakes his head and leaves.

Later, another customer comes in.

He asks Con for the time. Con replies.

“Five-a dolla per-a kilo”

The guy looks very confused… stares at Con for a few seconds, and then asks him:

“Is your whole family crazy like you are?”

Con shakes his head and replies: “Summa dey are, Summa dey aren’t.”

The guy is getting pretty angry by now, thinking Con is playing with him, he says:

“So, do you WANT me to punch you in the face right now?”

Con shrugs again and says “If you-a don’t, summabody else will.”

  • A Scotsman was giving a walking tour to a Greek guy through the hills of Scotland. They came across a sheep that had its head stuck in a hole in a fence.

‘Let me show you what we do in a situation like this’ says the Scotsman with a grin as he unzips his trousers and has his way with the sheep. After he finished he turns to the Greek and says
‘Ok, now it’s your turn’
‘I can’t!’ Protests the Greek, ‘My head won’t fit in that hole.’

  • The word “Politics” is derived from two Greek words

“Poly” meaning “many” and “ticks” meaning “blood sucking creatures”

  • Why is Greek food so fatty?

Greece.

  • A long time ago, I had a job where I translated pre-classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

  • If you want to get good at Greek pottery…

you have to urn it.

  • A Greek, a Spaniard and an Italian go out for dinner. Who pays the bill?

The German.

  • The Greek god of open wounds!

Herpes!

  • Ministers are like Greek gods.

When a country can’t explain something, they create a new one.

  • On my way home yesterday, I saw a guy with interesting hair dressed up as a Greek god.

He said his name was “Afro-dite”.

  • My Greek doctor isn’t a physician

He’s a gyropractor

  • Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

  • What do you call a wealthy Greek vampire?

Count Drachma.

  • Why do the Greeks play classical music by volcanoes?

because of all the Bach lava.

  • Why is it hard for Greek people to wake up early in the morning?

*In an Irish accent*

“Because DAWN is tough on Greece”

  • An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.

“Euripides?” Says the tailor.
“Yeah, Eumenides?” Replies the man.

  • Greek Philosopher Gets A Suit

A Greek Philosopher walks into a tailor’s office and asks for 300 suits to be delivered to him.


The tailor offers some proposals: “I can send those in plastic bags, or I could even send those in parcels.”
The Greek philosopher replies : “no, no, no I would like them to be delivered in something solid and wooden.”

So the tailor replies: “so, crates?”

  • After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

  • My buddy questioned, “How do you get so many girls into bed with you?” I laughed, “Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does.” Puzzled, he asked, “What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?”

“No, I pull out a shotgun and say, ‘Come with me if you want to live’.”

  • I read about this figure from Greek Mythology, Chiron.

He trained many heroes apparently, and was also a doctor. Ergo he was a Centaur for disease control.

  • Two Greek philosophers get into an argument…

Euclid: You’ve been a very good pupil this past year, Eubulides, but now it’s time for you to pay the 50 drachma you owe me for all the philosophy I’ve taught you.

Eubulides pauses to think for a moment.

Eubulides: Hm, as much as I would love to pay you back, I’m afraid that’s not possible.
Euclid: Why not?
Eubulides: Imagine that I have a heap of sand in front of me. Suppose I were to take a single grain away from the heap of sand. Is it still the same heap?

Euclid: Well, perhaps…

Eubulides: Now suppose I were to continue taking away grains of sand one by one. Eventually, you’d agree, the heap is no longer the same.

Euclid: Yes, I agree that it would be different at some point.

Eubulides: Then you understand precisely my problem! Just as the heap of sand changes as grains are removed, I have also changed over this past year. The Eubulides who promised to pay you 50 drachma no longer exists. So you see, it’s impossible for me to ever pay you back.

Euclid pauses to think for a moment. He then proceeds to beat up Eubulides and take his 50 drachma.

Eubulides: Ow! What’d you do that for?

Euclid: Who? Me?

  • I came home to find a Greek mathematician kidnapping my grandmother…

He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

“You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!”

  • Who’s the idiot now?

In ancient Greek the word “idiot” meant anyone who wasn’t a politician.

Today it’s the exact opposite.

  • Did you hear about the Greek bricklayer who lied a lot?

He would always con Crete.

Joke from my neighbour, Slade.

  • A Greek philosopher’s lecture on knowledge was really confusing and frustrating.

Episteme off.

  • Seen some people throwing out random Greek words to sound smart.

You won’t see one iota of that from me.

  • Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles’ heel, or the Achilles’ tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.

  • What’s one thing Ancient Greeks and Mexicans have in common?

When they meet (their) God they say, Hey Zues.

  • What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

  • When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

  • What is Samuel L. Jackson’s favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

  • I’ve been told I have the body of a Greek God.

Too bad it’s Dionysus

  • Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

  • My parents treat me like a Greek god

Hephaestus, to be specific.

  • I don’t mean to brag, but my girlfriend has a body like a Greek statue..

completely pale, no arms.

  • There’s a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

  • An ancient Greek professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.

The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

  • I don’t trust Greek instruments.

They’re mostly lyres.

  • What do Greek dogs eat?

Barklava

  • I’ve been told that I look like a Greek statue

But only from the waist down.

  • What does a Mexican say to a Greek god?

hey Zeus

  • An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The bartender says
“Im sorry, but you can’t come in here without a Thai”

  • Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they could create mathematical expressions for each style of art, they could decide which was superior.

The first polymath was an expert in isoperimetry, and he was absolutely obsessed with history. He fell in love with isoperimetry when he discovered its Greek roots and its slight link to Dido’s problem. This polymath’s passion for history bled into his artistic pursuits, as well; he found that the works of the old masters, particularly Renaissance artists, could never be topped. For most of his adulthood, he spent his downtime trying to replicate the painting of Renaissance artists in modern settings, but he could never quite get it right. Using his isoperimetric expertise, this polymath created a geometric formula that succinctly captured the essence of Renaissance paintings. He called this the Renaissance Equation.

The second polymath was an expert in set theory and an outspoken advocate for Impressionism. He found beauty in the way impressionists introduced the movement of life into their paintings in the same way he felt he encapsulated the movement of objects between sets. Impressionism and set theory, for this polymath, were two sides of the same coin—two objects in the same set. He decided to use set theory to categorize and represent the necessary and sufficient qualities for something to be considered impressionist to create a fuzzy set with extremities reaching from not-impressionist to impressionist. Ultimately, this led to a breakthrough that led to an algorithm that could categorize any painting on an impressionist spectrum, and this perfect categorization furthered his belief that impressionism was the most beautiful style of painting. He called this the Impressionist Explanation.

The third polymath was an expert in isomorphisms. He saw true beauty in the ways in which an isomorphism could be distinguished, and could not be distinguished, based on the elements of the morphism from which they were reversed and inverted. This polymath believed that the value of isomorphisms, more than anything else in mathematics, depended on the perspective of the viewer. He looked at Neo-Surrealism in much the same way; from some perspectives, two isomorphisms could be differentiated in the same way two Neo-Surrealist paintings could be. With this in mind, he mathematically mapped countless Neo-Surrealist paintings and built an algorithm that could utilize much of his research into isomorphisms to differentiate between them. His results, which suggested that Neo-Surrealist paintings were all isomorphisms, proved to him that his favorite genre of art was superior. He called his work the Neo-Surrealist Formula.

The final polymath was an expert in orthogonal matrices and a lover of Cubism. He viewed matrices as the foundation of higher mathematical thought, and because the determinant of an orthogonal matrix must always be 1 or negative 1, he believed his study to be the purest form of mathematics. As an extension of this, he believed that anything outside of mathematics focused on invertible, square-based conceptions of reality were the optimal way to understand the world. Naturally, he fell into Cubism. Though Cubism did not represent perfectly orthogonal figures, this polymath believed this was not a failure of Cubism, but a failure of art as a whole—the need to portray broader themes caused the cubes not to be perfectly orthogonal. Despite this, the fourth polymath traced the primary vectors in the most prominent paintings of each genre, and he found that the vectors in Cubist paintings most closely resembled the orthonormal vectors he had long studied. He published his findings as the Cubism Experiment.

After the four polymaths had completed their individual projects, they convened to discuss their results. Even after seeing the work the others had put in, each polymath still trusted his own mathematical formula and believed his favorite genre of art was the best. To reach a final conclusion, the mathematicians decided to submit their findings in a single bundle to a group of neutral mathematicians from all over the world. They combined their work into a single expression of paintings, which they called Paintings: Renaissance, Impressionist, Neo-Surrealist, and Cubist Expressions.

The group of neutral mathematicians was astounded by the work put into this, and they published it for the world to see. Within weeks of publication, this set of data became widely known as the artists’ formulae known as PRINCE.

  • Why are a bunch of horses being sold better than the Greeks?
OMG!  TOP 50+ BEST FUNNY PINEAPPLE JOKES COLLECTION

At least they have a stable economy.

  • My friend says he has the body of a Greek God

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn’t Greek

  • What was the name of the Greek hero that was punished by the gods for gluttony?

Diabetes.

  • What was the true identity of the Greek Spider-Man?

Pita Parker

  • A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: “You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you’ll have to give us a damn good reason.”
Man: “She was so stupid, I just had to kill her.”
Judge: “That is even worse. If you don’t want to be declared guilty on the spot, you better give us a plausible reason.”
Man: Well it happened like this. We live in this apartment complex and the property manager lives in the first floor with his family. The kids all have a growth deficiency.
So one day, my wife comes up and says: Those little kids, they look like pyrenees.
So I say: You mean pygmy.
“No”, says my wife. Pygmy is what you have under your skin, it causes freckles.
“That’s pigment”, I say.
So she says “No, pigment is what the ancient Romans were writing on.”
I sigh and say: “No, that’s parchment!”.
“No”, says she, “parchment is an unfinished sentence”.
“Your honor, you can imagine, I swallowed the ‘fragment’, I got back to my armchair and my newspaper. But then suddenly she’s back with a book, and she says:
I should know, I got a legionnaire for my french lessons.
I say: “You mean a lector”.
“No”, says my wife, “Lector was an ancient Greek hero.”
I say: “That was Hector, and he was a Trojan.”
“Nope”, says she, “Hector is a measure of area.”
“That’d be hectare”
“No! Hectare is the drink of the gods!”
“That’d be nectar”.
“No”, says she, “the Nectar is a river in southern Germany.”
So I say: “That’s the Neckar.”
She says: “No, I must know, there’s even a song about it. I recently sung it in a duo with my friend”
I say: “It’s a duet”
She replies, “No, that’s when two men are fighting with a saber.”
“That’s a duel”, I say.
“No, a duel is where a railway goes through a mountain!”
Well, your honor, so I took a hammer and beat her to death…
There was a long silence, shocked faces.
Finally the judge says: Not guilty. I would have killed her at “Hector”.

  • One scientist to another…

“Have you ever seen an Archimedes screw?”

“No, but I imagine they do it pretty much the same as other Greeks.”

  • How do you separate the Greek men from the Greek Boys?

With a crowbar.

  • What’s a Greek urn?

About 200 Euro’s a week.

  • I’m half filipino and half greek so what am I?

I’m a freek

  • What do you call a lame Greek pun?

An Artemiss.

  • I ate some bad Greek food earlier today…

…and now I falafel.

  • Why don’t Greek gods insult people anymore?

Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.

  • What did Dave Grohl say when someone stole his Greek takeout?

There goes my gyro!!!!!

  • What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

  • How did the ancient Greek rabbit move around at night?

He had a Hoplite.

  • A Greek guy walks into a tavern and sees two sea monsters arguing

“What’s up with them?” he asks.

“Oh, that’s scylla and charybdis.”

“Are they usually this angry?”

“Yeah, but they’re not violent. Just don’t get between them.”

  • Why do greeks fly buisness?

Because they dont have an economy

  • Puns

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

Top of Form

  • French

did you know that French fries aren’t from France? There cooked in Greece.

Top of Form

  • Time

Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty… so now just look at Seattle.

Top of Form

  • Roman

Why does the Greeks and Romans like food. Because food is good for you.

  • Kid

back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said “Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive”

If you don’t get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don’t get it, then you are dumb

Top of Form

  • What game did the Greek Gods play?

 Hydra and go seek.

  • What did the Ancient Greeks wear on their feet?

 Tennis Zeus.

  • How do Greek women get ready for a toga party?

With A Hera appointment.

  • Have you seen the movies about Greek Mythology?

 No?, well you odyssey them.

  • What do you call a musician petrified by Medusa?

A rockstar.

  • Why doesn’t Aphrodite date tennis players?

Because love means nothing to them.

  • What do you call a movie about eating healthy?

My Big Fat Greek Yogurt.

  • What is Apollo’s favorite indie rock band?

Walk The Moon.

  • What did Poseidon say to the sea monster?

What’s Kraken?

  • Which Greek god is always passing wind?

Anemoi.

  • What are Greek houses made out of?

Greeks and con-Crete!

  • Why does Ares only have a Sony Playstation?

Because he is the “God Of War”

  • Who did Artemis invite to her birthday party?

Her nearest and deer-est friends.

  • Why did Artemis miss her mark?

She wasn’t aiming deer-ectly for it.

  • What do you call the Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie about the Greek Bailouts?

The Last Action Gyro.

  • Why did god invent wine?

So Dionysus could never rule the world.

  • What is Mrs. Klumps favorite Disney movie?

Hercules! Hercules!

  • What did the Parthenon play in Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief?

A supporting role.

  • Did you hear about the war between Greece and Turkey?

The Greeks were lobbing hand grenades; the Turks were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

  • What new chapter is S&P forecasting for the Greek Economy?

Chapter 11

  • How can you know if your bank is hurting from austerity measures?

You try to cash a check and they tell you to come back with a gun!

  • Why does George Michael (Georgios Panayiotou) want to purchase Panathinaikos F.C.?

Because he wants to ruin more than just music!

  • Why is President Obama contacting the Prime Minister of Greece about the failed economy?

To find out how Greeks live off of less!

  • Why doesn’t Greece celebrate Halloween?

The lights are out, the windows are boarded up, the lawns aren’t cut. Everyday is Halloween in Greece now.

  • What do the Greeks need to drink?

Auster-Tea.

  • Whats the difference between a smart Greek and a unicorn?

Nothing, they’re both fictional characters

  • How was copper wire invented?

Two Greeks were fighting over a penny.

  • My poor knowledge of Greek mythology…

…has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

  • I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. “Sure” she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

  • A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

  • I failed my final exam on Greek mythology.

It’s always been my Achilles elbow

  • My friend says he has the body of a Greek God…

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn’t Greek

  • I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.

It has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

  • My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue…

Completely pale, no arms.

  • Did you hear about Greek porn?

They can’t do money shots anymore

  • An ancient Greek walks into a tailors with a torn pair of pants:

“Euripides?” Asks the tailor.

“Yeah, Eumenides?” Replies the man.

  • An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

  • My lack of knowledge of greek mythology is my one weakness.

It’s my Achilles elbow.

  • There’s a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

  • My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess;

Imaginary

  • A Greek and a Italian are having a beer.

The Greek Says
“You know, we invented sex.”
Then the Italian turn’s and looks at him.
“Well we brought women into it.”

  • Greek mythology in 3 words

Zeus got horny

  • How do you say ‘motherfucker’ in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

  • An Ancient Greek man walks into his tailor’s shop with some torn togas…

Tailor: Euripides?

Man: Yeah, Eumenides?

  • An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop…

…with a pair of torn pants.

Euripides? Asked the tailor.

Eumenides? Replied the man.

  • A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.

he Greek says “We built the Parthenon.” the Italian says “We build the Colosseum.” The Greek says “We came up with advanced Mathematics” The Italian says “We made the Roman Empire.” The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. “We invented sex.” The Italian replies “True, true, I can’t argue with that, but we thought of having it with women.”

  • What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schön.

  • Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

  • My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God…

I informed him Buddha was not Greek.

  • A Greek, a Spaniard and a Portuguese all walk into a bar. Who pays?

Germany.

  • European heaven and hell

European heaven is where:

All the soldiers are British,
All the wine is French,
All the cars are German,
All the lovers are Italian,
The weather is Greek,
And everything is organized by the Swiss

European hell is where:

All the soldiers are French,
All the wine is German,
All the cars are Greek,
All the lovers are Swiss,
The weather is British,
And everything is organized by the Italians

  • Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?
OMG!  Top 10+ BEST BERET JOKES COLLECTION FOR THIS WEEK

It’s called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

  • Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

  • Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles’ heel, or the Achilles’ tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.

  • Why don’t the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don’t like Turkey

  • An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor…

An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor with a torn chiton, asks the tailor, “Eumenides?”

The tailor responds, “Euripedes?”

  • Greek/German joke I heard recently

So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her “occupation?” “No,” she replies, “just a vacation this time.”

  • Polyamory is wrong!

You can’t mix Greek and Latin roots.
It’s either Multiamory or Polyphilia.

  • When you slap a greek statue’s ass…

You know you’ve hit rock bottom.

  • People say I’m not good with Greek Mythology…

I guess that it’s my Achilles wrist.

  • So an Italian man and a Greek man we’re arguing over which of their countries was the better one…

…and they eventually got to the topic of sex. The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, “Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of sex!”

Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, “True, but *we* invented sex with women!”

  • The Greatest Sex Culture . . .

A Greek and an Italian were talking one day, discussing who had the superior culture.

Over coffee, the Greek says, “Well, we built the Parthenon.”

The Italian replies, “We built the Coliseum.

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to mathematics.”

The Italian, nodding, says, “But we built the Roman Empire “.

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian replies, “That may be true, but it was the Italians who included women.”

  • A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab?

The German.

  • A Greek and Italian were sitting at a coffee shop one day discussing who had the superior culture…

Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, “Well, we have the Parthenon.” Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.” The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.” The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.” And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented doggy-style sex!” The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!”

  • So a Greek, Frenchman and Italian strand on an island

So after a while being stuck they decide to search for food.

Suddenly a tribe comes out of nowhere and took them as captive.

The tribe decided to interrogate them.

So the tribe decides to interrogate the Greek as first, after 1 hour the Greek comes out without feet.

He told everything after they cut his feet off.

Then they decided to interrogate the Frenchman, after 2 hours the Frenchman comes back without an ear.

The Frenchman told the tribe everything after the tribe cut his ear off.

At last the tribe decides to interrogate the Italian, after 20 hours the Italian came back without telling the tribe anything.

Impressed, the Greek asked why the Italian did not tell the tribe anything, the Italian said:

“I wanted to but they cut off my hands”!

  • Greek vs Italian Culture

One day , two men, a Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek says, “Well, we have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian thinks for a moment and then replies, “Ah, yes, that is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

  • A Jewish Girl And A Greek Boy Fall In Love

When the Jewish girl tells her father that she has fallen in love with a Greek boy and wants to marry him, he hits the ceiling. He forbids it, on pain of disownment. The girl goes ahead and marries the boy, anyway. The old man does not even go to the wedding and stops talking to her altogether.

A year goes by and she sends him a telegram. “Oh, daddy, I really need to see you and talk to you”. Well, by this time his heart has softened and he misses her too and he wires back, “Ok”.

She sends a private plane for him which flies him to Athens. A private helicopter takes him to a hundred-foot yacht at Piraeus. The yacht takes him to an Aegean island. When he lands he sees a big beautiful palace, of marble, with landscaping and statuary, and dozens of servants all over the place.

His daughter, dressed in the height of fashion and dripping with expensive jewelry, runs out and hugs him. He hugs her back and says, “My baby, I’m so glad you sent for me. I see now that you were right and I was wrong”.

She says, “No, daddy, you were right. I want you to take me away from here and back home with you”.

He asks, “But why?”

She says, “Because when I got married my asshole was the size of a dime and now it’s the size of a silver dollar”.

And he says, “You’re going to give up all this for ninety cents?”

  • Three Greeks and Three Turks are riding a train.

The Turks each buy one ticket, but the Greeks only buy one ticket total. The Turks are confused.

“How can you ride with one ticket?”

“Watch and you shall see.”

The Greeks get on the train and pile into the bathroom. The Turks sit near the bathroom and observe. The conductor knocks on the door and says “Ticket please.” The Greeks slide the ticket through the door.

The Turks think this is ingenious! They decide to try it, so on the ride back they buy only one ticket. But the Greeks don’t buy any.

“How will you ride without any tickets?”

“Watch and you shall see.”

They get on the train. The Turks pile into one bathroom, the Greeks into another. One Greek gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the bathroom the Turks are hiding in, and says:

“Ticket please.”

  • The difference if you marry a Canadian girl…

Three friends married women from different parts of the world…

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Canada. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees.

  • An Irishman, an American, a Jew and a Greek all die…

When they get to Heaven, they’re given the chance to go back to Earth and give it one more shot.

“But whatever sin you committed most in life, you must not even think once of committing it again,” they’re told, “Or you’ll be right back up here.”

All four end up together back on Earth, and start walking down the street, talking about the experience and what they think their worst sin was.

They pass a bar. The Irishman looks in, gets a greedy look on his face, and *poof* disappears.

They pass a fast food restaurant. The American looks in, starts drooling, and *poof* he disappears, too.

The Jew and the Greek keep walking, joking at their friends’ foolishness. The Jew sees a dollar bill lying on the street. He bends over to pick it up, and …

*POOF* they both disappear.

  • A Greek and a Scotsman


A Greek and an Scotsman were sitting in a Starbuck’s cafe one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, ‘Well, we Greeks built the Parthenon,’ arching his eyebrows.


The Scotsman then replies, ‘Well… it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.’


The Greek retorts, ‘We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.’


The Scotsman, nodding in agreement, says, ‘Scots were the ones who
built the first timepieces and calendars.


And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, ‘The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!’


The Scotsman replies, ‘Indeed, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to women.’

  • One day the male gorilla at a zoo’s enclosure dies…

…The female is about to go into mating season so they are desperately searching for a replacement for the male gorilla. So, after trying all of the neighboring zoos they see the Greek janitor raking leaves with his hairy back for all to see. They approach him and ask,

“Will you sleep with the female gorilla for $500?”

He replies,

“I’ll need to think about it overnight”

The next day he comes in and walks up and says,

“OK, I’ll do it under one condition.”

“Anything,” they reply.

“Ok, you are going to have to give me a week to come up with the $500.”

  • An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman,

a Latvian, a Chinese, a Japanese,
a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo,
a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie,
a Yank, an Egyptian, a Spaniard,
a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a Polack,
a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard,
a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian,
a German, an Indian, an Italian,
a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African,
a Filipino, a Pakistani, a Korean,
a Argentinian, a Lithuanian, a Dane,
a Finn, a Swede, an Israeli,
a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb,
a Czech, and a Swiss man go to a pub…………..

The bouncer says, “Sorry. I can’t let you in without a Thai.”

  • So there is an Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Greek…
OMG!  TOP 40+ BEST FUNNY DANISH JOKES COLLECTION

…and they are standing before Satan and the entrance to Hell. Satan says he will give them all one more chance to live and then possibly go to heaven, but at the first sign of sin, the will be sent back to Hell.

So they are all sent back to Earth. They are walking down a street, when they see a pub. The Irishman says
“Ah well, one beer can’t hurt!”
So he goes in, orders a Guinness, and takes a sip:
*POOF!*
The Irishman disappears.

The Scotsman and the Greek continue walking down the street dressed in their stereotypical clothes, you know the Scotsman has got the whole kilt thing going on. So they come across this old lady who has her purse out on a bench, and then the wind comes, and blows over her purse, and bills come out flying everywhere.
The Scotsman can’t resist, so he bends over to pick it up and:
*POOF!*
The Greek disappears.

  • Language Lessons

Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:

“Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?”

“Flied lice!”

Just as it has done for years, this sends Nick into paroxysms of laughter, and makes Chan feel ashamed of his English skills. Chan’s daughter signs him for ESL classes, and Chan works hard at improving his diction:

“Flied lice, flied lice, fried lice, fried lice, fried rice, fried rice, fried rice!”

So, Chan waits for Nick to come out the next day, and carries out his board just as Nick looks up, and as always, Nick is ready to taunt him.

“Hey, Chan!”, he shouts, “What you serving with your specials today?”

Gathering himself, Chan shouts confidently across the street:

“FRIED RICE, YOU GLEEK PLICK!”

  • Three married couples, one Jewish, one Irish, and one Greek, all die on the same day..

Three married couples, one Jewish, one Irish, and one Greek, all die on the same day and arrive at the gates of Heaven.
St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven. He replies, “I’ve been a pious Jew all my life, I attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for Jewish causes.”
“And what is your wife’s name?” St. Peter asks.
“Penny,” the
man replies.
“Penny?!!” shouts St. Peter. “You Jews are all alike. Money,
money, money. You even married a woman whose name has to do with money! Get out
of my sight! You are damned to Hell!”

Then St. Peter asks the Irishman why he deserves to be in Heaven. “I’ve been a devout Catholic throughout my life, attended church every Sunday, and always gave generously to the collection plate.”
“And what’s your wife’s name?” St. Peter asks.
“Brandy,” the
Irishman replies.
“Brandy?!! You Irish are all alike. Drink, drink, drink.
You even married a woman whose name is a type of alcohol. Get out of my sight!
You are damned to Hell!”

With that, the Greek guy turns to his wife and
says, “Fanny, I think we have a problem…”

  • The Greek Legal System

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, “Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?”

  • What’s the motto of the Greek army?

Never leave your buddy’s behind.

  • I was told I was just like a Greek statue

I was happy until they clarified that they meant I am pale as fuck and have a small dick.

  • A Greek and Italian.

A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

  • I ate some bad Greek food

now I falafel.

  • How do the Greeks separate boys from men?

With a crowbar.

  • A german, a frenchman, and a greek crash in the amazon

A german, a frenchman, and a greek are on a plane. The plane crashes in the amazon. They meet the natives and they say “don’t kill us” and the amazonians say “We will not kill you, but you have to do something. You have to spend 10 years in a cave. We will fill the cave up with all the provisions you need and whatever you want.”

They ask the german what he wants. He says “I want bratwurst. I want sausages everywhere. I wanna eat’em all the time, and I wanna eat a lot.” So they fill the cave up with sausages.
They ask the frenchman what he wants. He says “I want women. I want women everywhere. I don’t what kind of women; what age, what color, what size. I just want women.” So they fill the cave up with women.
They ask the greek guy. He says “I want cigarettes. I wanna chain smoke all the time. I wanna smoke my way through the 10 years.” So they fill the cave up with cigarettes.


10 years pass and it is time to open the caves. They open the german’s cave. Out comes one huge beast of a man, so gelatinous, they can barely get him through the door.
They open the frenchman’s cave. And they see little kids playing around, women talking to each other, and the frenchman humping away at another woman in bed.
they open the greek guy’s cave. He is sitting on top of a pile of unopened cigarettes. He says “A lighter………..give me a lighter!”

  • Some years ago…

…a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; “You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built”.

The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor’s house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; “You see that bridge over there?” The Spaniard replied; “No.”

  • Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy?

They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

  • A Greek and an Indian…

… were drinking tea one day discussing who had the superior culture.

The Greek guy says, “Well, we have the Parthenon”.

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, “We have the Taj Mahal.

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.” The Indian, nodding in agreement, says, “But we invented the number 0.

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion.

With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Indian replies, “That is true, but we are the ones who introduced it to women.”

  • An Australian in Greece

An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian barmaid) takes his order, Fosters, and notices his accent.

Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill’s shift he asks her if she wants to make whoopee.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for some whoopee. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short on funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will make whoopee with him again for $200.

Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention and shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he’s from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne. “So am I… What suburb in Melbourne?” “Glen Iris,” he replies.

“That’s amazing…” she says, “…so am I – what Street?” “Cameo Street,” he replies. This is unbelievable…” she says,”…what number?”

He says, “Number 20” and she is totally astonished. “You are not going to believe this but I’m from number 22 and my parents still live there!”

“I know…” he says, “…your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you!”

  • My complete lack of knowledge about Greek mythology has always been my achilles elbow.

thanks, Mike!

  • The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line…………

“Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny.”

  • An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Latvian..

an Irishman, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo, a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Spaniard, a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a Polack, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Indian, an Italian, a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African, a Filipino, a Pakistani, a Korean, an Argentinean, a Lithuanian, a Dane, a Finn, a Swede, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Croat, and a Panamanian go to a fancy bar… 

The doorman says: “Sorry. I can’t let you in without a Thai. “

  • My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos….

I tried it earlier today and it turns out it’s plain old Greecey Mexican food.

  • What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease

Made this one up myself. I’ll be here all week

  • After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?

Therefore, I’m your mother.

  • My teacher asked me what a main feature of a greek tragedy was….

Apparently Bankruptcy was the wrong answer.

  • My girlfriend is beautiful, like a Greek statue,

completely pale, great body, no arms

  • My friend said he has the body of a Greek God

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn’t Greek

Online Source:-

glider-pilot reddit abc11 religion-online haha politically-incorrect-humor ashjokes uglyhedgehog yahoo answers medium miscstories yahoo upjoke commonsenseevaluation

Read More Jokes :

TOP 80+ BEST FUNNY PROSTATE JOKES COLLECTION

TOP 100+ BEST FUNNY SWEDISH JOKES COLLECTION

TOP 40+ BEST FUNNY DANISH JOKES COLLECTION

Share and Enjoy !

Shares

2 Comments

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *