TOP 40+ BEST FUNNY DANISH JOKES COLLECTION

Find The Best Funny Danish Jokes If Your Answers Is Yes. Here Is A Big List Of Funny Danish Jokes Collection For This Week.

  • What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

  • It turns out I’m Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there’s more, but I can’t Finnish.

  • What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!

I’ll show myself out.

  • What’s the difference between a Danish married couple and Batman’s parents?

One is a pair of wed Danes, and the other is a pair of dead Wanes.

(Sorry if this is a repost but I got this from a friend over text. So thanks for the joke u/Bag_of_cheese)

  • What’s a cannibals favorite dessert?

A danish…

  • Trump visiting a psychiatric hospital.

While visiting Trump asks how to determine if one has a psychiatric problem.

There is a test, says the doctor. They fill a bathtub with water and gives the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket and asks the patient to empty the tub.

Trump then asks: “Wouldn’t the normally sane persons not just use the buchet, as it goes faster”.

The doctor replies: “No, the normally sane persons would just remove the stopper. Do you prefer your bed by the window”?

– Sorry for my english, I’m danish 🙂

  • How would the world look if it were ruled by the Danish?

It would be a Pastryarchal Society

  • What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

  • My danish friend pranked me by giving me laxative cookies

I never thought he’d stroop so low

  • Fun fact: Popeye the Sailor Man isn’t actually all that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards…

… but he’s strong to the Finnish!

  • Did you hear about the guys who built fake chickens and sold them on the Danish market?

They really made a kylling

  • What do you call a proud Danish countryman?

A pastriot.

  • A guy is relaxing at his home in Copenhagen when he hears a knock on the door. He opens up and it’s Hamlet.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Sorry to bother you,” says Hamlet, “but I need a place to crash for a few days, do you mind if I stay here?”

Guy scratches his head and says “Well, I guess you can, this is pretty out of the blue though.”

“I know,” says Hamlet, ” Nobody expects a Danish Imposition.”

  • What do you call a Danish Sniper?
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A Denmarksmen

  • Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.

One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle…..

The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don’t you take the bicycle from it?…. (c:

  • What’s the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.

^^They’re ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

  • Arent a donut and a danish the same thing?

Well they are both synonym rolls!!

  • Q:What makes fish jumpy?

A: Spring water

(Transmogrified Danish joke)

  • Why did the cannibal go to Copenhagen?

He wanted to eat some Danish.

  • A guy dies and is sent to Hell

A guy dies and is sent to Hell.
Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing on their heads with spiders and insects crawling all over them.
The guy says “no, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are also standing on their heads but with snakes crawling all around them.
Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing in pee up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.”
Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”

  • How do you say “prison lingo” in one word?

Danish

  • Looking for good Dane/Norwegian jokes.

Denmark is a pretty good joke in itself.
This^ ! In Sweden we frown up making fun of the less fortunate.

  • A Dane is a Swede with a potato stuck in his throat

That isn’t a joke, it’s the truth.

  • I met a lot of good dogs at an animal shelter in Denmark

But only one great Dane

  • I’d much rather live in Norway than Denmark so I don’t have to switch insurance providers.

Denmark doesn’t have a Blue Cross as far as I know.

  • Who’s Denmark’s greatest Zombie actor?

Rigor Mortissen

  • A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.

Now times it by 9.

Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).

Now subtract that number by 5.

Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).

After that think of a country that is NOT in North America nor South America beginning with that letter.

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Take the last letter of that country and think of an animal that begins with that letter.

Now take the last letter of that animal and think of a fruit that starts with that letter.

  • Why don’t chefs in Denmark play pranks in the kitchen?

Because no one thinks a Dane cook joke is funny.

  • Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn’t, they would be sweetish.

  • Have you heard about the new law that has passed?

They passed a law saying you have to have your headlights on when it’s raining in Denmark.

Problem is, when I get in the car, how am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Denmark?

  • What do you call weed from Denmark?

Dansk kush.

  • What country is known for cave paintings?

Denmark

  • The hare and the tortoise

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur would keep him warm, so he decided to keep going north through Scandinavia, assuming it’d get too cold for the tortoise who would give up.

The tortoise had everything he needed stored in his shell, so he was prepared for the cold since the shell was his home.

They eventually get to Sweden, and the hare is struggling. He doesn’t want to risk falling asleep this time, so he decides to hitch hike in a lorry. The lorry is headed to the ferry port towards St Petersburg.

The next day on the ferry, the Hare receives a text message from the tortoise saying he’s won, and asking where the hare is. Confused as they still have the rest of Europe to cover, the hare asks for proof. The tortoise replies back with a picture of himself at Harparanda with the caption: “see? I’m at the Finnish line!”

  • Punchline not included.

Timmy : I’m Hungary.

Mum : Why don’t you Czech the fridge.

Timmy : Ok, I’m Russian to the kitchen.

Mum : Hmm…maybe you’ll find some Turkey.

Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck !

Mum : There is Norway you can eat that.

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Timmy : I know, I guess I’ll just have a can of Chile.

Mum : Denmark your name on the can.

Timmy : Kenya do it for me?

Mum : Ok , I’m Ghana do it.

Timmy : Thanks, i’m so tired Iran for an hour today.

Mum : It Tokyo long enough.

Timmy : Yeah, Israelly hard sometimes !

  • Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

  • Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes?

The striking dock workers complained there is Norway they can go to a ship with a clipboard, Denmark it as arrived and Finnish the whole business before sunset. New tech helped Sweden the deal.

  • This is naut, ok?

If America has ‘astronauts’ and Russia has ‘cosmonauts’, does Denmark have ‘deeznauts’?

  • A Dane was in a pub in Sweden and a regular customer suggested to him:

“I’ll give you $200, if you let me smash ten beer bottles on your head.”

The Dane thought for a while and finally agreed, partly because of the peer pressure.

The Swede smashed the first bottle on the Dane’s head, then the second and so on, but stopped after smashing nine bottles.

“So, when are you going to smash the tenth bottle?,” asked the Dane.

“I am not a total idiot,” the Swede replied, “then I would have to give you that $200.”

A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Danish joke.

The bartender pointed to a large man at the end of the bar and said, “He’s Danish.”

Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated, “He’s Danish.”

The bartender then asked, “Now do you still want to tell that Danish joke, because I’m Danish, too.”

The customer replied, “Naah, not if I have to explain it three times.”

  • the only Danish joke on earth is

“Can you play the violin?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried”

  • Why can you see danes crawling around in a store?

They are looking for low prices.

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