TOP 120+ BEST FUNNY COOKIE JOKES COLLECTION

Find The Best Funny Cookie Jokes If Your Answers Is Yes. Here Is A Big List Of Funny Cookie Jokes Collection For This Week.

  • I ate too much cookie dough and got sick

It was an overdoughse.

  • I got a fortune cookie without a fortune in it today.

How unfortunate…

  • I opened my fortune cookie and…

A neck-bearded incel jumped out.

I re-read the box and realised I’d bought 4Chan cookies…

  • Website: We use cookies to improve performance.

Me: Same

  • Me: Three scoops of Cookie Dough in a tub, please.

Vendor: You wanna spoon?

Me: … OK, what time do you get off?

  • If you give a mouse a cookie…

He’s going to ask if he can use it to improve your internet browsing experience.

  • Cookie monster was happy lighting Elmo’s girlfriends cake

Until he noticed there was only 3 candles

  • Did you hear about mrs. fortune cookies divorce?

Now shes misfortune cookie.

  • A woman came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.

Distraught, the wife leave the house and decides to go and seek the advice of a wise monk who lives on a mountain.

The wife travels up the mountain to the monk and asks him for advice. The monk thinks for a minute and then offers the wife a cookie, she accepts and eats it, he then offers her another cookie and as she reaches for it he stops her.

“Do you see the issue with you taking 2 cookies?” Asks the monk

“Yes, humans are greedy in their nature. I should treasure the time I had with my husband and move on.” Replies the wife.

“No, you should eat less, your too fat”

  • What do you call a cookie that draws funny pictures?

A Snickerdoodle!

  • What’re the most popular cookies in Asgard?

Thoreos.

  • Why was the cookie sad?

Because it’s dad was a wafer so long.

  • how can you tell when a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?

there are m&m shells all over the floor.

  • So this vampire wants to bake some cookies…

It’s a gloomy day, and this vampire thinks some chocolate chip cookies will cheer him up. Now he’s not much of a baker, so he decided to walk to the store from some of that fine, premade cookie dough. He’s walking home, excited, and the weather’s clearing up and the sun is coming out. It’s turning into a nice day.

He burnt those cookies.

  • There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home.

He smells something amazing. It’s the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies, and his wife sees him, she rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, “No, they are for the funeral.”

  • I brought some cookie dough into work today…

…so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was “insensitive” and “fired from the crematorium”.

  • My fortune cookie read “You will touch the hearts of many.”

Jokes on them. I’m a heart surgeon.

  • A businessman, an immigrant, and a White American worker are sitting at a table with 100 cookies

The business man eats 99 of the cookies and then slides the last one across the table towards the immigrant. Then he looks at the white American and says, “that immigrant is going to eat your cookie!”

  • What do you do when your DNA cookie is undercooked?

You make it CRISPR.

  • Little John asks mom:

“Can I get cookies?”. “Yes you can, but you must wash your hands” – says mom. “Mom! But I don’t have hands!”. “There will be no cookies then!” – politely says mum.

  • An old man lay on his death bed upstairs when he caught a wiff

An old man lay dying in bed upstairs in his room when he thought he caught a wiff of his wife’s chocolate chip cookies wafting through the air.

Man, he thought to himself, if I could have just one more of my wife’s cookies I could die a happy man.

As he lay there thinking about the singular joy of those delightful cookies his wife had been making him so many years he became certain that she was in fact making a fresh batch. He also became certain, no he resolved himself, that he would not die until he had another cookie.

He couldn’t call out as he’d been without voice for some time. He figured it was useless to hope anyone would just bring a dying man a cookie. So he decided that he would marshall all of what little strength he had left and he would go downstairs and get one. He knew that this effort would be his last but that having one last cookie before he went would be one of the happiest moments in his life.

With a Herculean effort the old man slid his feet out of the bed and to the floor. His legs didn’t quite have the strength to carry him and he slid all the way to the floor. He rested a minute and then he turned over onto his stomach an crawled like an infant out of his room over to the stairs.

The stairs presented the old man a special challenge: he couldn’t crawl down them as his arms were not strong enough to do so. So with great effort he got to his feet and leaned up against the rail and started making his way down.

He almost gave up but halfway down the stairs the smell of the scrumptious chocolate chip cookies was so strong he knew that he just couldn’t quit.

After about an hour he made it safely to the bottom of the stairs, a mere ten feet from the kitchen where his heavenly cookies awaited him.

The old man crawled the last ten feet. He could see stacks and stacks of sweet delicious cookies on the kitchen table. He had almost no strength left at all and he could feel the wind of death at his back. It was now or never.

With great effort he pulled his chest up onto the seat of the chair. He couldn’t get any higher. But he reached out his left arm, an arm shaking side to side, up and down on it’s ascent to the table top. For a second it didn’t look like he’d even be able to grab a cookie but somehow he managed.

As he brought that glorious cookie down off that table and towards his dying lips the old man’s wife appeared and snatched the cookie right out of his hand saying “You stay out of these, these cookies are for the funeral”.

  • Just went on the Weight Watchers website.
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How come they want you to accept cookies?

  • Cookie Thieves

They really take the biscuit

  • Why are cookies called cookies, and bacon is called bacon, but you have to bake cookies and cook bacon?

It’s like that Parkway / Driveway mess up, all over again!

  • I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

  • Why did the shipwrecked pirates get to eat cakes, cookies and pies when they washed up on shore?

It was a desserted island.

  • My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: “Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?”
Me: “Does it have raw egg in it?”
Wife: “It does…”
Me: “Well, I could get sick… But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.”

  • At work they gave us cookies to remember the Apollo 11 launch.

I can’t wait for the Apollo 1 memorial BBQ!

  • When the kids came back from recess, the teacher announced a pop spelling quiz…

“Pop spelling quiz, class!” She said, and called on little Johnny.

“What did you do during recess, Johnny?” Asked the teacher. Johnny replied “I played in the sandbox with Suzy and Leroy” “Ok, spell ‘sand’ and you will get a cookie!” Says the teacher. Johnny spells it correctly and gets his cookie.

“And what did you do on recess, Suzy?” Suzy replied that she played in the sandbox with Johnny and Leroy. “Spell ‘box’ and you will get a cookie.” Says the teacher. Suzy correctly spelled box and got her cookie.

“Leroy, what did you do during recess?” The teacher asked. He replied, with tears in his eyes “Well, I tried to play in the sandbox with Johnny and Suzy, but they just threw rocks at me and called me a N$%%ER!”

The teacher looked at Leroy and said “Well my goodness! That sounds like blatant racial discrimination!”

“So, Leroy, spell ‘blatant racial discrimination’ and you’ll get a cookie!”

  • Cookies

My tinder profile always has an unlit cigaret in it since i’m always searching for matches.

  • On his deathbed, the old man …

… could smell his wife’s fresh chocolate chip cookies from the kitchen. He decided to venture out of bed for one last bite of his favourite cookie before he died. He toppled out of bed and dragged himself to the stairs and managed to make his way down to the kitchen. Sure enough, there was a batch of smoking hot cookies on the table, and his wife was just putting another tray in the stove. He crawled to the table and dragged himself up onto a chair, reached over for a cookie, when his wife abruptly swung around and smacked him on the hand with a wooden spoon.
– Keep your hands off, those are for the funeral.

  • Four Moles Are Burrowing Under A Bakery

As they get closer to the surface, the first mole in the line sniffs deeply and says, “Mmmmm, I smell cookies!”

They dig a big further, and the second mole raises his noise and says, “Wow, I smell cake!”

The dig goes on another few minutes, and the third mole finally smells something and says, “I smell frosting!”

The mole in the back is growing discouraged, and exclaims, “All I smell is mole asses!”

  • I just burnt 2500 calories

This is the last time I take a nap while baking cookies

  • Senator: You said Facebook has cookies correct?

Zucc: Yes Senator that is correct, Facebook does use cookies.

Senator: Where can I get some of those cookies and how are they made?

Zucc: I’m sorry senator I don’t know wha…

Senator: *repeats question but LOUDER*

Zucc: Senator I…

  • An old man is at home on his deathbed…

The doctors have given him only a couple of days to live and he no longer has even the strength to stand on his own. He lays in bed, thinking back on his life – his children, his parents, and his beautiful wife of 55 years. As he lays there, remembering the good times, he begins to feel himself drifting to sleep for what would probably be the last time.

Just as his mind begins to wander into sleep, he suddenly gets drawn back out by a familiar smell. He quickly sits up in bed, trying to place this aroma. Invigorated by its scent, he musters all his strength and manages to lift himself up out of bed and over to his walker. He slowly walks through the house towards the fragrance, its familiarity boosting his strength with each step.

As he rounds the corner, he sees a large tray of freshly baked cookies – cookies his wife hasn’t made in over a decade. He reaches out to grab one, and just as he’s about to touch the top cookie, a hand swats his away from the plate.

He looks up to see his wife standing there, snarling at him. She says:

“Those are for the funeral!”

  • What is Santa’s favorite computer task?

Clearing cookies!

  • The difference between a cookie and a cracker.

Cookies don’t care if you pull down a civil war statue.

  • Why doesn’t Cookie Monster have good internet privacy?

He always accepts the cookies.

  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crummy!

Then he was diagnosed with cancer

  • I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies

They smell just like burned toast

  • I found an easy cookie recipe that said to put all the ingredients in one bowl and beat it.

I’m not sure what good it did though, when I came back nothing had changed.

  • I found one of the leftover cookies crying

He was sad because his mom has been a wafer a long time

  • A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs.

It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs.

He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife’s wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:

“No, you can’t have those! They’re for the funeral!”

  • I still remember my first fortune cookie…
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…and how much it tasted like paper.

  • Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

  • A Banker, a Fox News fan and a welfare recipient are at a table sharing 12 cookies…

The banker takes 11 cookies and says to the Fox News fan: “Watch out for the welfare guy, he wants your cookie!”.

  • How helping my daughters sell Girl Scout cookies almost got me in trouble…..

I have 2 daughters that were in Girl Scouts. I was helping them sell cookies by asking co-workers if they would like to buy a box or 2.
One uptight co-worker found out that they go for $5.00 started balking about the price. Stating he cannot see spending $5.00 for a few minutes of pleasure.
My response was well do you still use condoms as birth control?

  • This site uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on the site. By continuing to use the site, you agree to accept these cookies…

I genuinely just copied and pasted this off the weight watchers website…

  • I was just on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies.

Is that a trick question?

  • What’s was the cookies favorite band?

OREO Speedwagon…

(I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend…)

  • What does a witch use to bake cookies?

An Easy Bake Coven

  • My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest

It literally takes her nanaseconds

  • The little bunny.

A little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, “Do you have any cookies with fish in them?” “No,” said the baker, “but I have some wonderful oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies.” “No thanks!” said the bunny, and he hops out of town.

The next day the little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, “Do you have any cookies with fish in them?” “No,” said the baker, “but I have some wonderful snickerdoodles and cookies with macadamia nuts in them.” “No thanks!” said the bunny, and he hops out of town.

So the baker decided to make some cookies with fish in them.

And sure enough the next day…the little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, “Do you have any cookies with fish in them?” “Why yes I do.” said the baker.

“Well who you going to sell those to?” said the bunny.

  • What do pirates say when they see a cookie?

Chips Ahoy!

  • I got some people shaped cookies for Christmas.

I didn’t want to assume their ginger…

  • According to my fortune cookie I am getting a dolphin!

It said my life will have a purpose.

  • The children were lined up in the cafeteria at a Catholic elementary school for lunch…

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: “Take only one.God is watching.”Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:”Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

  • A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

“Well little John” she said. “Can you spell Pig?”

“P-I-G” John said. “Very well. Here’s your cookie!” the teacher said. She then went to the next student.

“Hi little Susan” she said. “Can you spell Cow?”

“C-O-W” Susan said. “Very well. Here’s your cookie!” the teacher said. She then turned to the third student.

“Hello little Jim” she said. “How do you spell Crab?”

“C-R-A-B” John said. “Very well. Here’s your cookie!” the teacher said. She then turned to the next student.

“Good day Ahmed. Can you tell me how to spell Racial Discrimination?”

  • Why can’t cookies dough hold a steady job?

Because it’s always getting baked.

  • Grandma is like a website

You can’t say no to cookies

  • If I have 10 cookies and you take 5, what do you have?

A broken hand.

  • My husband told me I was too high to grill cookies

Jokes on him- I don’t even know how to start the grill

  • My manager asked me if I had prepared my report on how to cut costs at our cookie factory…

Thinking quickly, I told him that we could save money by not fully cooking all our cookies.
It was a half-baked idea, but it turned out to save us a lot of dough.

  • A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

“Wow. I can’t believe I’m meeting you at Comic Corn.”

“Actually, it’s called Comic Con”

“Com?”

“Con.”

“Cold?”

“Com!

“Cookie?”

“CONNNNNNNN!”

  • How do you know the cookies you left to bake inside your hot car are good ?

The baby stopped screaming.

  • What did the Hershey’s bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate?

S’mores Code

  • A elderly lady walks into a bakery and asks the baker for chocolate cake.

He politely replies that they are out of chocolate.

She says fine, I’ll have chocolate muffins.

The baker says, I’m sorry but we are out of chocolate.

She says, ok how about some chocolate cookies?

The baker somewhat annoyed asks the lady. Tell me something, where do find the word stink in chocolate?

The lady looks at the baker with a puzzled look and says, there’s no stink in chocolate.

The baker says, lady, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

  • Insecure people are like chocolate chip cookies

After they get baked, they’ll crumble easily.

  • What is a cannibals favorite type of cookie?

Lady fingers.

  • Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance

Long story short, my girlfriend said no.

  • For weeks now Amazon has been sending me suggestions for random biscuits

Finally I logged in and updated my cookie preferences

  • Why aren’t there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies?

Because good drug dealers don’t use their own product.

  • how did Cookie Monster decide who’d win the oscars?

he went through all the nom-nom-nominations.

  • An existentialist, a nihilist, and an absurdist are baking cookies,

They’ve been at it for hours trying recipe after recipe, but they just can’t get it right. Nothing they make tastes as good as they hope.

Eventually, the existentialist throws his hands up in despair. “Maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe we just need to accept that taste is subjective and make something we’re happy with instead of pursuing an unattainable ideal cookie.”

The absurdist shrugs noncommittaly and says “Well I don’t know about all that. Maybe there’s a solution. Maybe not. Clearly we aren’t going to find it though, so I’ll tell you what, I’ll be damned if I let a little thing like flavor dictate what I will or won’t eat.” He then proceeds to gorge himself on the reject attempts scattered around the kitchen.

Finally the nihilist chimes in, “To be honest, I’m starting to wonder if the recipe even needs pork at all.”

  • What did the Cookie Monster say after eating all the anesthia at the dentist’s office?
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“NUMB NUM NUMB NUM NUMB NUM”

  • Q: What cookie makes you rich?

A: A fortune cookie!

  • Q: Why do girls scouts sell cookies?

A: They wanna make a sweet first impression.

  • Q: Why did the cookie cry?

A: Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?

  • Q: When should you take a cookie to the doctor?

A: When it feels crummy.

  • Q: What do the cookie and the computer have in common?

A: They both have chips.

  • Q: How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies?

A: Theres M&M shells all over the floor

  • Q: What is green and brown and crawls through the grass?

A: A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.

  • Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

A: Because it lost its filling

  • Q: What does the ginger bread man put on his bed?

A: A cookie sheet.

  • Q: What kind of keys do kids like to carry?

A: Cookies!

  • Q: What is a monkey’s favorite cookie?

A: Chocolate chimp!

  • Q: What word backwards can predict the future?

A: Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it)

  • Q: Why do basketball players love cookies?

A: Because they can dunk them!

  • Q: What is a monster’s favorite food?

A: Ghoul scout cookies.

  • Q: How do you make Ohio State University cookies?

 A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

  • God Is Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

  • Reach the Cookies

Sarah was never tall enough to reach the cookies in the kitchen so she always asked her brother to get them for her, becuase he is taller and older than her. When she was about 8 (her brother still had to get the cookies for her) she was dared to eat a dog biscuit. AFter she eats one, she goes home and punches her brother. For her whole life he had been giving her dog biscuits instead of cookies.

  • Ice

What does a queen 👸 want on her cookie 🍪?

Royal Icing.

  • Puns

Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!

  • Oreo

Why did the OREO go to the dentist?

Because he needed a filling.

  • Computer

Yo mama so stupid, that when she heard about cookies on the internet she ate her computer

  • Depression

If you were a food what would you be?

Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy

Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends

Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

  • Doctor

Top of Form

Why did the cookie go to the doctor because he felt crummy

  • Beer

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.” The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, “Can I have some of your cookies?” Little Johnny replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” His grandpa replied, “It most certainly can!” Little Johnny replied, “Then go fuck yourself

  • Milk

Q:Why didn’t Santa eat the milk and cookies you set out for him? A: He doesn’t exist you childish sh**

  • Dad

I was trying to poison santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies!

  • Sheet

What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?🍪

Ooh,snicker doodles.

  • Body

Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have? Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you. Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you. Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.

Ryan and his mother had cookies than day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan

  • Doctor

Mother: How is my little cookie 🍪 doing?

Doctor 👩‍⚕️: Your cookie 🍪 is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor 👩‍⚕️: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

  • Girl

what is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?

…a girl scout that got hit by a car

Top of Form

  • Cliff

What did the cookie say when he jumped off the cliff? Crumbs ha ha!

  • Poor

What’s a homeless persons favorite cookie?

Pooreo’s

  • Puns

Top of Form

why did the cookie go to the hospital because it felt crummy

  • Cat

What did the cat say to the jar of cookies

ground beef

  • Difference

What is the difference between a human and a tree and a human can walk and you can drive

  • Puns

I told a cookie a joke the other day. It just crumnled

  • Ball

Why do basketball players love cookies so much?

Because they can dunk them!!!

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