TOP 40+ BEST FUNNY COLONOSCOPY JOKES COLLECTION

Find The Best Funny Colonoscopy Jokes If Your Answers Is Yes. Here Is A Big List Of Funny Colonoscopy Jokes Collection For This Week.

  • An elderly gentleman goes in for his usual colonoscopy exam….

As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination.

As the doctor was going in, he looked at the patient and smiled and said, “Don’t worry, it’s quite normal to get an erection.”

The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, “But I haven’t got an erection.”
The doctor said, “No, but I do.”

  • Had a colonoscopy the other day,

Worst dentist appointment I’ve ever had.

  • COLONOSCOPY

I was feeling nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy. On a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco. I was convinced that the beautiful nurses were allegedly more gentle and accommodating there.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.

“Don’t worry, at this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection,” the nurse told me.

“I haven’t got an erection,” I replied.

“No, but I have,” replied the nurse.

  • Someone I know gave a really deep speech to convince me to go for a colonoscopy

What else can I say?
Something touched me deep inside.

  • I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments

With a colonoscopy there’s only a CHANCE you’ll find cancer.

  • What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

A Cameron Diaz

  • *Priest at a colonoscopy*

“So that’s what it’s like..”

  • The doctors think I might have cancer, and have scheduled a colonoscopy for tomorrow afternoon.

They said they wanted to have a look and see if they could get to the bottom of it.

  • I was so nervous for my colonoscopy..

During the procedure, the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.

Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?

He does 18 holes a day.

  • Proctologist
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A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, “At this point in the process, it’s normal to experience an erection.”

The guys says, “But, doctor, I don’t have an erection.”

The doctor says, “I wasn’t talking about *you*.”

  • I got my colonoscopy results

The doctor gave me two thumbs up!

  • Yo Momma so ugly

She goes to the dentist for a colonoscopy.

  • What should the real name for a colonoscopy be?

A colonoscopoo.

  • I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill.

Now I’m in arrears.

  • My English professor had a colonoscopy…

Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.

  • If you can’t afford healthcare…

Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they’ll throw in a free colonoscopy too!

  • That new vet really screwed up my pig’s colonoscopy

He’s pretty ham-fisted

  • Great news America! The results from President Trump’s colonoscopy test are back!

They found his head…

  • A proctologist is about to write a something on his patient’s notes but when he goes to take his pen out of his pocket he realizes it’s actually his thermometer that’s there.

He says, “Darn, some asshole has my pen.”

  • I had to go to the hospital for a gastroscopy today.

There were three other guys in the waiting room.

The doctor came through and explained what has happening to the four of us. He said that I was having the gastroscopy, which is the camera down the throat and the other three were there for a colonoscopy, which is the camera up the butt. He then asked if any of us had any questions.

I said: “Yes. Can I go first?”

  • These two guys are sat in their hospital beds having a little chat.
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The first guy asks the second, “What are you in for?”

“Camera down the throat.” the second guy replies.

“Oh, endoscopy?” the first guy asks.

The second guy says, “Yeah. Checking for stomach cancer. How about you?”

“Camera up the butt” the first guy says.

“Oh colonoscopy, checking for bowel cancer?” asks the second guy.

The first guy says, “No, my neighbor was sunbathing and my wife caught me taking a photo.”

  • The doctor told me he found something alarming in my colonoscopy.

A clock.

  • I had a colonoscopy recently and believe it or not getting the camera up there doesn’t hurt as much as you might think.

It’s the crew that’s the killer.

  • I had a colonoscopy yesterday and I think the doctor must have got carried away.

I said to him, “Can you back that up a little, it’s irritating my tonsils.

  • Did you hear about the proctologist and the pyschiatrist who opened a practice together?

They called it “Odds and Ends”.

  • Three guys are talking in a bar one day. They start talking about how their cars reflect their careers.

The first guy says, “I’m a pimp and so I drive a cheap Escort.”

The second guy says, “I’m a herpetologist and so I drive a Dodge Viper.”

The third guy says, “I’m a proctologist, and I drive a brown Probe.”

  • I went for a colonoscopy the other day and the doctor told me to lie on my left side.

I said, “Sorry I only lie on my right side. I always tell the truth on my left side.

  • I had to go for a colonoscopy the other day.

The next day when I got home from work my wife said, “The doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news – they found your head.”

  • This guy has a glass eye and he has the rather disgusting habit of taking it out and popping it into his mouth to clean it.
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One day, as was probably inevitable, he accidentally swallows it.

So he goes to see a proctologist without telling him what his exact problem is.

The doctor runs the sigmoidoscope up his backside and then screams.

The guy asks him, “What’s the matter, doc?”

The proctologist replies, “I don’t know! I’ve looked up a lot of butts before, but never one that looked back at me!”

  • I went for a colonoscopy the other day. As I lay on my side on the table, the nurse got ready to do the examination. As they did so they looked at me and smiled as they said, “Don’t worry, it’s quite normal to get an erection.”

I said, “I haven’t got an erection.”

They said, “No, but I do.”

  • I told my wife that my doctor had referred me for a colonoscopy.

She said, “Your head is so far up your ass surely you can see what’s going on up there yourself?”

  • “Straight ahead for a bit then there’s a sharp left, so take it slowly,” I said.

“The screen is for my benefit, Mr. Jones,” the doctor said, “and this isn’t my first colonoscopy.”

  • I asked my Dad how is colonoscopy went.

He said it was a pain in the butt.

  • My colonoscopy wasn’t the best experience of my life.

But it was right up there.

  • What kind of camera do they use for colonoscopies?

A GoProbe.

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