TOP 150+ BEST FUNNY ANIMAL JOKES COLLECTION

Find The Best Funny Animal Jokes If Your Answers Is Yes. Here Is A Big List Of Funny Animal Jokes Collection For This Week.

  • How do you count cows?


With a cowculator

  • What did the elephant say to the naked man?

“How do you breathe through something so small?”.

  • Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?


Because he was always spotted.

  • Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?


Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

  • Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?


Their bats flew away.

  • What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?


“Put it on my bill.”

  • What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?


It gets toad away.

  • Why did the fish blush?


Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.

  • What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?


You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

  • What type of sandals do frogs wear?


Open-toad!

  • Teacher: “Name a bird with wings but can’t fly.”


Student: “A dead bird, sir.”

  • Why do the French eat snails?


They don’t like fast food.

  • What do cats eat for breakfast?


Mice Krispies.

  • Teacher: “I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?”


Student: “The cow ate the grass, sir.”

  • How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?


Put up a Bingo sign.

  • How come oysters never donate to charity?


Because they are shellfish.

  • What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?


 A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

  • A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, “Uh, oh!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!” says the leopard. “That was close! That poodle nearly had me!” Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!” Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. “Where’s that damn monkey?” the poodle says. “I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

  • What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?


 Bugs bunny.

  • Why is the barn so noisy?


Because the cows have horns.

  • What kind of key opens a banana?


 A monkey.

  • A farmer buys a young rooster.

As soon as he brings the bird to the farm, it rushes & fucks all 150 hens. The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. At lunch, the rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer gets a bit worried now. The next day, he finds the rooster fucking the ducks, geese, & a parrot too which is now scaring him. Later that day, he finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead with vultures circling over its head. The farmer says, “You horny bastard, you deserve this.” The rooster opens one eye, points up, & whispers, “Shh! Don’t shout, let them land!”

  • Where do mice park their boats?


At the hickory dickory dock.

  • Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

  • What do you call a thieving alligator?


A crookodile

  • What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?


A watch dog.

  • What do you call a cow that eats your grass?


A lawn moo-er.

  • What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

  • How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

  • Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals!

  • What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

  • What is the snake’s favorite subject?

Hiss-story

  • What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin!

  • Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there’s no one else to wag it for him.

  • What is a cat’s favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic!

  • How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g!

  • Why did the lamb cross the road?


To get to the baaaaarber shop!

  • How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean!

  • What has four legs and goes “Oom, Oom”?

A cow walking backwards!

  • Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.

  • What do you call a pig that’s been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

  • What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food!

  • What does a cat say when somebody steps on
    its tail?

Me-ow!

  • What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

  • Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang!

  • What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow!

  • What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop!

  • Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

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In his trunk!

  • There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats!

  • Which day do fish hate?

Fryday!

  • What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake!

  • What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don’t talk.

  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer!

  • Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark!

  • How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks!

  • What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom!

  • What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck!

  • What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer!

  • How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.

  • What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

  • What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

  • What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed!

  • Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to!

  • What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!

  • What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.

  • What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

  • How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.

  • Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

  • How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card!

  • Why do you bring fish to a party?


Because it goes good with chips.

  • What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

  • How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel!

  • What did the frog say when he heard “time flies when you are having fun?”

Time is fun when you’re having flies!

  • What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine!

  • Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M’s.

  • How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

  • Where do fish keep their money?


In a river bank!

  • What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over!

  • What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah!

  • Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

  • What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

  • What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.

  • What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

  • What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck!

  • What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split!

  • What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can’t tuna fish.

  • What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can’t hear you.

  • Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

  • How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.

  • What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

  • What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

  • Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

  • What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

  • What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.

  • What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

  • Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.

  • Customer: “Do you have alligator shoes?”


Clerk: “Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?”

  • What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper!

  • What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

  • Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

  • What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

  • How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

  • Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

  • How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

  • What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.

  • What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

  • What’s black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.

  • What is a cow’s favorite place?

The mooseum.

  • What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

  • What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated!

  • What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

  • What is a shark’s favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

  • Where are sharks from?

Finland.

  • What is King Arthur’s favorite fish?

A swordfish

  • Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

  • What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

  • What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog!

  • What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison!

  • What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.

  • Why don’t bears wear shoes?


What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet!

  • What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?


A shampoodle!

  • What does a calf become after it’s 1 year old?


2 years old.

  • Cow: “Mooooove over!”


Sheep: “Naaaaaaa.”

  • How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?


There are footprints in the butter.

  • Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?


Because his feet stink!

  • What’s a dog’s favorite food for breakfast?


Pooched eggs.

  • What do you give a pig with a rash?


Oinkment.

  • What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?


Use a pen.

  • What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and green?


Three skunks fighting over a pickle!

  • First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?


Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy!

  • What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

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A computer mouse.

  • What do you call a dog with a Rolex?


A watch dog.

  • What pine has the longest needles?


A porcupine.

  • What’s worse than a centipede with athlete’s foot?


A porcupine with split ends!

  • Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn’t around yet.

  • What kind of cars do cats drive?


Catillacs!

  • What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?


A buck.

  • What’s a frog’s favorite drink?


Croak-a-cola.

  • What’s an alligator’s favorite drink?


Gator-Ade.

  • What do you call snake with no clothes on?


Snaked.

  • What did the dog say to the flea?


Stop bugging me!

  • Where do cows go on Saturday night?


To the mooooooovies.

  • What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?


A try and try and try-ceratops!

  • What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?


A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.

  • What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?


A kitten.

  • Who makes dinosaur clothes?


A dino-sewer.

  • What did the snail say when he got on the turtle’s shell?


Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  • Where do sheep get their hair cut?


At the baa-baa shop.

  • Why can’t hippos ride bicycles?


Bike helmets don’t fit hippos!

  • What’s a puppy’s favorite kind of pizza?


Pupperoni.

  • What’s black and white and red all over?


A sunburnt zebra.

  • What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

  • What do camels use to hide themselves?


Camelflauge!

  • What do you call a messy hippo?


A hippopota-mess!

  • What do you call a cow that twitches?


Beef jerky

  • What did the porcupine say to the cactus?


Is that you mommy?

  • What is a lion’s favorite state?


Maine

  • Where do horses live?


In the neigh-borhood.

  • Why are elephants wrinkled?


Because they don’t fit on a ironing board!

  • What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?


Mice krispies

  • What is a frog’s favorite year?


Leap Year

  • What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?


A Dogwood!

  • What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?


A swordfish!

  • What is a horse’s favorite sport?


Stable tennis!

  • Why do pandas like old movies?


Because they are black and white.

  • How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?


I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!

  • What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?


 A dino-sore!

  • What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?


Squash!

  • What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull-dozer.


  • How do you fit more pigs on your farm?

Build a sty-scraper!


  • What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?

An udder failure.


  • Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers!

  • What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.


  • Why are teddy bears never hungry?

They are always stuffed!


  • Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!


  • What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

  • Where do polar bears vote?

The North Poll


  • What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

Odor in the court!


  • What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

Ouch!

  • Why did the snake cross the road?

  • To get to the other ssssssside!

    Why are fish so smart?

Because they live in schools.


  • What do you call a cow that won’t give milk?

A milk dud!


  • When is a well dressed lion like a weed?

When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion)


  • How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

Pleased to eat you.


  • What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny!


  • What fish only swims at night?

A starfish!


  • Why is a fish easy to weigh?

Because it has its own scales!


  • What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

An eggroll!


  • Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

Because there was a KFC on the other side!


  • Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show everyone he wasn’t chicken!


  • Why did the lion spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!


  • Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove he wasn’t chicken!


  • What animals are on legal documents?

Seals!


  • What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?

A pie-thon!


  • What is ‘out of bounds’?

An exhausted kangaroo!

  • What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip?

Bison!


  • Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger?

He thought it was a lion!

  • How do bees get to school?

By school buzz!

  • What do you call a bear with no ears?

B!

  • What animal has more lives than a cat?

Frogs, they croak every night!

  • Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

  • There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats!

  • How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.

  • What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

  • What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?

Ouch!

  • How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

“Pleased to eat you.”

  • What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

  • How do spiders communicate?

Through the World Wide Web.

  • Why do the French eat snails?

They don’t like fast food.

  • Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

  • A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

  • What do you call shaving a crazy sheep?

Shear madness.

  • What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?

Itenticle.

  • Where did the cat go when it lost its tail?

To the retail store!

  • Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

  • Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?

Because it uses a honey comb!

  • Why are fish so good at watching their weight?

Because they have lots of scales.

  • What animal has more lives than a cat?

Frogs, they croak every night!

  • What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

  • What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
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Mice krispies

  • Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.

  • What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops!

  • What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

  • What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.

  • Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink!

Why don’t bears wear shoes?

What’s the use? They’d still have bear feet!

  • What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

  • How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

  • What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

  • What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper!

  • Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

  • What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.

  • What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine.

  • What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon.

  • What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom.

  • What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake.

  • Which day do fish hate?

Fryday.

  • What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow.

  • How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

  • What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

  • What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

  • What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

  • Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

  • What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth!

  • How do you count cows?

With a cowculator.

  • Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

Because he was always spotted.

  • What did the elephant say to the naked man?

“How do you breathe through something so small?”

  • Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

  • What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Put it on my bill.

  • What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

  • Why are cats bad storytellers?

Because they only have one tale.

  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer.

  • For sale: Dead Canary.

Not going cheep.

  • What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They’re under a buck.

  • What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator

  • What do you call a cow who plays an instrument?

A moosician.

  • Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.

  • Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

Because they’re dead.

  • What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

  • Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

  • Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

  • What do you call farm animals that have a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

  • What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabites.

  • Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

  • What did one fish say to the other?

Keep your mouth shut and you’ll never get caught.

  • Two silk worms got in a fight.

It ended in a tie.

  • Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did they would always be falling asleep.

  • Where do rabbits eat breakfast?

IHOP.

  • What kind of bees eat brains?

Zombees.

  • Where do cows go on holiday?

Moo Zealand.

  • The early bird might get the worm…

But the second mouse gets the cheese.

  • What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?

“Should we walk home or take a dog?”

  • What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you?

Big ones.

  • What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?

His bark was much worse than his bite.

  • What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?

A box of quackers.

  • What is a dog’s favorite city?

New Yorkie.

  • Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

They kept dropping their trunks.

  • What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower.

  • What is a cat’s favorite song?

Three Blind Mice.

  • Which kinds of snakes are found on cars?

Windshield vipers.

  • What do ducks watch on TV?

Duck-umentaries.

  • What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog?

A rocker spaniel.

  • What is a cat’s favourite color?

Purr-ple.

  • I was going to tell you a cow joke…

but it’s pasture bed time.

  • What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

  • Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

  • What are caterpillars afraid of?

Dogger-pillars.

  • What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?

Lost.

  • What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.

  • Why did the bee go to the doctor?

Because he had hives.

  • Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The Baaaa-hamas.

  • What do you call an arctic cow?

An eski-moo.

  • Why did the lamb run over the cliff?

He didn’t see the ewe turn.

  • Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove she wasn’t chicken.

  • What do bees do if they want to use public transport?

Wait at a buzz stop!

  • What bird can be heard at mealtimes?

A swallow.

  • What kind of ant is even bigger than an elephant?

A gi-ant.

  • What do you call a dog magician?

A Labracadabrador.

  • What do you say if you meet a toad?

“Wart’s new?”

  • What college do skunks attend?

P.U.

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